Things I'm Still Learning

Medium isn't a moneymaking website for me. I'm not writing articles here for the sake of money or viewership, but for the sake of writing them. I'm hoping it'll let me tap into myself and soothe my ever-exhausted brain from its intrusive thoughts.

Adult relationships mean you can text anyone, anytime

It was pretty common, when you were younger, to not text first or to keep count in friendships. That's just not how it works anymore. Some people around you might not have caught up yet, but showing that you care — a simple check-in text — is going to help you build and keep the relationships that matter.

People who don't seem like you are just as messed up as you are

We all grew up with social media, with Instagram and Facebook, platforms where people upload only the best versions of themselves: the parties, the two good hours of a two-day conference, the sunset. It can look beautiful and hand you a truckload of FOMO. It's simply not true. No one uploads their sad hours, except maybe on Twitter, and that place is weird. No one uploads their breakdowns, or the hours spent behind the screen putting together the thing you're busy envying. Once you internalize that people's "perfect" lives online are rarely that perfect off-screen, read it again. And again. Until it sticks. Don't beat yourself up for feeling left out over someone's story.

People love you way more than you think

I have never been more afraid of anything in my life than the moment before I told my friend I'd been contemplating suicide. I didn't even ask for help — I just said it, and they started crying. Crying at the thought of me being in that much pain. That was an eye-opener: I really did not expect anyone to care that much, and it helped me more than I expected. Confide in your friends. The world isn't as bad as it feels in that moment.

Always tell people how you feel

This extends the last point, but it deserves its own line. If you're falling for someone, tell them — but don't just slide into their DMs and confess undying love out of nowhere. Show them first, through effort. Let something bloom, and then ask. That part matters.

Invest in the relationship you have with yourself

Families drift apart. Friends move to other cities. Spouses get divorced, couples break up. Most relationships in the world come to an end, except the one you have with yourself — that one goes with you to the grave, so cultivate it. Feed yourself good things about you. Cut down on the self-hate. Let yourself feel what you're feeling. If you struggle with self-image, work on it: get a counselor, read a book, cry it out if you need to. Detach your inherent self-worth from your physical appearance first, then work on the rest if you still want to. Whatever you do, do it healthily — and trust yourself to know the difference.